Marriage for more…

HeatherLisa (51)
(Read this calmly with a heart full of love not with a vengeful fire or you’ll miss my point)

I am not an agenda.

My sexuality is not an agenda.

My vows are not an agenda.

My marriage is not an agenda.

The right to be a legal parent to the child we planned as a couple is not an agenda.

It is MY life…

OUR lives…

OUR family…

We are not gay married…we are married.

I am so proud to be married. I am so proud to be finally legally married in the state I live in. (Legally speaking it makes a huge huge difference)

I am even more proud of myself for waiting for the right partner. Every day I wake up happy and loved.

Why isn’t this post just hoorays and loving squishy feelings?

Because the story is not over. My understanding and view of the world does not begin and end at my front door or even the border of my state. Because my friends are still waiting to be told they’re legally a family.

Because my marriage is not out to destroy society or Christianity and it breaks my heart a little that people including people I know may think that.

You never fully grasp the depth of something until it is your something to grasp. I have warm squishy feelings for my own status but know there are many who will continue to wait…On you…to decide that our freedoms are big enough to include rather than exclude…to decide that no one’s faith is under attack…that marriage is a word defined by bond not just by Bible alone.

I think the term “traditional marriage” is odd. It seems to encompass all kinds of unions…the arranged kind, the should not be wearing white kind (wink, wink), the Elvis kind, the for richer and richer kind, and the logical next step kind…the list goes on. Marriage ceremonies range from the religious (I’m partial to Jewish traditions myself) to the judge at the courthouse kind…What you want to believe it means for the sake of denying marriage equality for same sex couples…is that it is a bond between one man and one (chaste) woman joined by God (the Christian one, of course) and also recognized by state law (like the legal part is just some add-on benefit and not the very thing WE are all fighting for). I am not sure what else it could mean. The use of “traditional” is bad legal terminology so I hope a lawyer did not come up with it. Traditional sounds about as much fun to argue the meaning of as the legal meaning of “rational” (Am I right? Let me get an amen from the law school crowd!).

You expect that I will now go in to a history lesson on marriage, the Bible and civil rights BUT I will not. The internet is full of books, movies, blogs, news articles, and forums for you to read and digest in your own time and on your own terms. Words from pastors, teachers, laymen – maybe even shaman.

How can words whether fact or opinion compete with your faith, with your belief, with what you view as moral sin…HOW? How do we keep people from feeling attacked on either side?

I do not want to tear down your faith. That is not what equality is to me. It is not what the Constitution means to me. Nor how I would want my own faith treated. Tearing down your faith does not further our freedom of religion or expression. It has taken me until adulthood to realize that other people’s faith can often get in the way of my own. We try to define it for others when it is not ours to define. You cannot tell someone they have grown away from God because you do not know their heart. You do not know their relationship with God nor his place in someone’s marriage. I know there are prayers shooting upwards on both sides of the issue…so whose are being answered? Have we the answer yet?

The Court may eventually have to make this decision for us as it has done with many other civil rights issues. It strikes me now that the word civil is key.

civ·il – ˈsiv(ə)l/

1. of or relating to ordinary citizens and their concerns, as distinct from military or ecclesiastical matters.
2. courteous and polite.
I came back and edited this a bit because I wanted it to be clear that I am not angry or even judgmental. Please don’t let my sarcasm over the term traditional marriage get in the way of what I’m saying. You do not have to agree with me theologically to see that marriage is a fundamental right. At least I do not see it that way. I am not asking you to abandon your faith or bend it. I just want to live in a world where we all matter. My marriage matters to me…and we need it to be the legal binding kind that protects my family in this country. In a week of victories for some, I wanted to let the ones still waiting know that we won’t grow complacent! We’re still here! Fighting for the love of our lives!

2 thoughts on “Marriage for more…

  1. “My marriage is not an agenda.”
    This this thisity this. The thing I hate about the ongoing gay marriage issue is that it is turning all of these things that should really be personal and private into an agenda. I never wanted my marriage to become a political statement. It never should have been, in any honest and sane society. I don’t see how it is anyone else’s business but perhaps the state’s. And I cannot wait for the day that is actually true.


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