December 10th…Reflection

Nine years have passed…but December 10th will always be the day my brother died. Instead of an entry of ramblings I am sending a letter to my brother out into the wide open cyber space…

Dear Brother:

We’re having a baby! You’re going to be an uncle! I’ve wanted to say that to you so badly. I just wasn’t sure how to so that’s why I am writing you this letter. We don’t know the sex of the baby yet! It is driving mom crazy! She sends me texts trying to trip me up and tell her but we really have no clue if the baby is a boy or a girl. I just want to be able to run out into the waiting room and announce proudly…”It’s a boy” or “It’s a girl!” No, I am not going to give out cigars or even bubble gum cigars but still it will be a fun surprise. 

Don’t let this go to your head but if the baby is a girl, we are going to name her after you!  I wish you were going to be here to see him/her born. Sometimes it hits me that you will never get to meet my wife or our child. That thought is sad but it also makes me angry. The anger is not at you but just at what never will be. We never really got to be close as adults. Groan about our parents over the phone like siblings do as you try to make me feel guilty because I live 8 hours away. You didn’t get to have my back while I was coming out. I know you would have and that’s enough. It really boggles my mind sometimes that you were here once as a living breathing person. I know you were here because I have memories of those moments. 

You are not forgotten, you are loved and you are missed. Forever rest in peace.


Your Sister

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