It’s Week 38…I Feel Like I Have Effing Crabs…

We’re having a snow day here in the greater Washington, DC area. However, as my adorable wife put it…

“Education can be put on hold. The government can relax today. All law offices take this wonderous snow day! But, if you are in need of canvas shoes today ____ has your back. ‪#‎crisis averted‬

So technically I am the one with the snow day. That means I am trolling the mall and drinking Starbucks. It is delicious. This gift of snow day also gives me some time to catch up on my blog which is great because we are full term b*tches!

It’s the final countdown…It’s all down hill from here…The end is nigh…Obviously, this victory lap could be 2 plus weeks away…but we won’t think about that right now…We will just think happy thoughts about breaking waters and patterned contractions…I received a super cute email from Pregnant Chicken commemorating Week 37.


Click it and Check out Pregnant Chicken!!

So hell yea, sugar bum, we are super pumped to be full term! There has been a ton of baby prepping going on around here…

Lisa and I attended our birthing class a few weekends ago because obviously Grey’s Anatomy and Offspring (Australian show I watch on Hulu about an OB doctor) should not be my only medical guides…Lisa doesn’t even watch these shows so how was she supposed to learn anyway. The class was taught by our doula so we were able to spend some extra time with her before the big dance. We worked on our breathing and pain coping skills. And by that I mean, I found out which words and massaging are likely to get me punched in the boob. We toured labor and delivery for a second time…eager beavers, we are…We also were the only people on time for class…and the first ones back from lunch. We take this shiz seriously! The class seemed to settle down the nightly freak outs…as questions swirled…How do you know when a baby is hungry? What does a contraction feel like? How do you bathe a baby?  Heather, this says babies are very slippery when wet…There was also a minor break down about not having any wipes…so I bought some wipes…


Your eyes do not deceive you – That is in fact a stuffed pelvis.


Lisa is now at the stage in her pregnancy of seeing the midwives once a week…One of the rules of our midwifery group is that you must see all of the midwives in the practice just in case your main midwife is in another delivery or abducted by aliens. We have made our way through the group for the most part. There has not been one midwife that I did not feel completely comfortable with if they had to be there for our birth. We did put off seeing the head of the group until two weeks ago. She seems intimidating when you hear her speak…She is passionate and intense, very knowledgeable – She’s pretty amazing actually but we were apprehensive about seeing her…To be a patient with this group you must meet certain criteria which, of course, we do but still…She’s the standard setter so, you know… in short, we are super big chickens. But our time came…It was time to see Whitney…and it was fabulous. She was hilarious…and reassuring…supportive…everything you could want in a midwife. I would be honored to have her in the delivery room, of course. Midwife appointments are fairly quick and easy. As per usual, Lisa was told her nipples were perfect…so much nipple praise when you’re about to birth a human. She asked Lisa if she wanted her to perform a mock labor exam…we couldn’t think of a reason why not so she did…I won’t go in to the details of a mock labor exam but…As she was about to begin the exam she placed her hand on Lisa’s inner thigh…she said, “this is my hand, I just want you to get used to my touch…soft touching is good, isn’t it ladies…even soft touch with our mouths is OK”…then as Lisa was about to wiggle off the table…”You are just one big kegel! You need to loosen up!” (I could not stop laughing…It got even better from there)…then she dropped a bomb on poor Lisa…She told her to stop using soap on her business and her nipples…and to stop shaving…which resulted in the following statements this morning…”I feel like I have effing crabs.” Followed by…”I had to shave…or go find a stucco wall and go crazy on there.” I don’t even know how to transition to another topic after that but…

We had our last ultrasound during week 36 to check on the placenta issues are resolved. Our little bambino is head down and enjoying gnawing on his/her hand. Can not wait to meet this little one in person!


36 Weeks – My hand tastes real nice…

On the day of our 37 week appointment, Lisa had some pain and pressure but everything was fine. The midwife hooked her up to the fetal monitor just to make certain. Everything was perfect!


Lastly, We had our birth plan meeting with our doula. I initially was indifferent to assistance from a doula during birth but I am so glad she will be with us. The extra support provided by a doula really feels like a necessity as move closer to birth. We are the first same-sex couple our doula has worked with so she is excited to be part of our birth. Sitting down to write out the plan was helpful. That definitely gave us some peace of mind to have something tangible with our wants and instructions. We know that births do not always go as planned but there are so many other things to consider like…pain medication, procedures, and medications that are optional. It was helpful to sit down to ask questions and make an informed decision. Not having a plan could leave us making rash decisions or leave room for error from medical providers. So after our birthing class and meeting with our doula, we do feel more confident about the birthing process and even bringing baby home. Some things though we will just have to experience to figure out what works best…as you experienced moms know already.

6 thoughts on “It’s Week 38…I Feel Like I Have Effing Crabs…

  1. We loved our doula too, and best part, she was free since she was still getting certified at the time! That not shaving ish is serious! After Callie’s water broke and before she even let me call the dr or the doula, she just HAD to shower and shave every hair off of her body…ridiculous! I’m so excited that your tiny human will be here soon! And where can I can I get me one of those stuffed pelvises (sp?!). Seems like it would be a lot of fun!


    • I am not entirely sure where to order a stuffed pelvis…I totally snuck that picture when no one else was in the classroom. Lisa had to shear herself before she exploded…she feels better! ha ha


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