There are a lot of babies popping out in my atmosphere which is awesome. It is a wave of babies…It happened a year or so after I graduated college too. I just was not part of that particular wave which, all babies should be thankful. On this wave we are kind of the de facto “experts” because we have been parents for a whole 3 months and 4 weeks so we have all the advice. We obviously have this parenting thing down because we are awesome. So last night I was messaging with a friend who has a one month old who may be slightly colicky or just being a newborn. So there I was passing on my sage advice as a mom. I am feeling pretty good and confident. In so many words, I told her that what is happening is normal and that it gets better around 3 months…it’s magical…there is sleeping, less screaming, less waking…but I’ll be damned…I jinxed it. I effing jinxed it with all the baby whispering wisdom.
It all started with a freaking fly that must have gotten in some time during all the plumber/restoration people coming in and out (another adult-ing story that is not even worth words). Everyone is pissed at the fly. The fly is just doing its fly thing. I was all like there is a lot more house you could do that in, brother. Maybe it did not want to be alone. So I am trying to catch it when it lands…Then there is our dog, Poe, who likes to chase bugs. I am getting up and down chasing the fly. He is pouncing on the bed trying to catch the fly with his mouth to no avail. He weighs like 60 lbs. so his lunging at Mr. Fly is felt by all. He is up and down off the bed. I open my eyes every once in a while to him sitting and staring at me like, how is he supposed to sleep in these conditions. Plus he is also pretty disgruntled because he doesn’t get an entire side of the bed to himself so he periodically flings himself on to the floor in a huff when my feet accidentally touch his paws.
All the while, LA is waking with little whimpers in her sleep but around 3:00 AM all hell breaks loose and she is wailing like a 3 day old. We try her pacifier, diaper change, boob, bottle…Nothing is working…Pretty sure it was gas or she was working on a poop. I try all my soothing things that usually work for me. After a bit, it is clear that my techniques are ineffective. Lisa gets up with LA and they rock on the side of the bed. LA and I both finally doze off to the sound of Lisa….Shhhhhhhhh…
After a bit I hear a snap then cough…he finally caught that damn fly. My dog and wife are my heroes! I think I managed a little over two hours of sleep last night. I was not surprised when I woke up and felt slightly hungover…although it has been so long since I’ve had a hangover who knows…they are probably far worse now than they were pre-baby. Even in my sleep deprived stooper I made sure to high-five my wife for our fantastic show of teamwork!
I have had my latte and I am taking on the day…and by taking on the day I mean I think I’m going to watch Pretty Little Liars on my phone.