Where ever you are…how ever you want…when ever you want. It’s really up to you.
Yes, it can be scary.
Yes, the words are hard to find sometimes.
Yes, it feels too hard.
Sometimes it will go well.
Sometimes you will cry….tears of joy, relief, and even pain.
Some people will cry with you.
Some people will hug you.
Some one will be shocked. BUT
Some one will say, “I knew.”
You may lose a friend.
You may lose a family member.
You will feel free.
You will sleep better at night.
You will move forward.
You will know so much love.
It was hard, scary and a very long process for me. BUT I DO NOT REGRET IT! The truth is I still come out all of the time. It is the nature of things still. People assume straight. Sometimes when I meet a new adult especially in a professional setting or another parent, I get to come out. I usually get to come out when I am asked about my daughter’s father. It is often in polite conversation or in reaction to my daughter’s very light blond hair in contrast to my very dark hair. I always feels slightly embarrassed on behalf of the asker as I say, “she has two moms.”
Once you’re out to the people who matter most, the other times will just become a thing you say.
So come out. We are all here waiting for you with open arms.
I woke up opened Facebook and burst into tears this morning. My wife held me while I cried and tried to come to grips with what I am feeling. I’m crying because we have a new President. They are not tears of joy or elation. They are tears of a broken heart, a battered soul and a head wringing with worry. (I’m not a crier so this is kind of a big deal).
I grew up thinking I was Republican. I wanted to be involved with the Republican party. I immersed myself in South Carolina’s political atmosphere. As I moved about the world my feelings on social issues changed but I could comfortably call myself a fiscal conservative. Then I met three attorneys who changed my heart and mind for good. They lived and conducted themselves professionally with such compassion and such pure hearts. I watched them tirelessly answer the call to protect the most vulnerable of our state. Working with people from every walk of life in our state with no hesitation. You see, I could no longer think only fiscally because there were lives hanging in the balance. Lives that have no voice of their own. Lives that time and time again get lost in the fray. When I came out, all of the sudden I became one of those lives. A person who suddenly had to fight for equality. I was a socially marginalized individual.
An election cycle that perpetrated worry, fear and panic, now has me waking on the day after the election filled with worry, fear and panic. Seems as if that platform was successful on all fronts. I respect that people want change, to buck the establishment, to find a better way for their families and their businesses. Those are ideals I can get behind. Those are things we all want out of this life. If that is why you voted for Trump, I get it. Some things aren’t working and maybe he has a better plan. I can’t see it…though.
I can’t see past…
- The people who can see that my family (LGBT community) is at risk but think that it’s OK, inconsequential or a great fucking idea,
- The people who can’t see that my family (LGBT community) is at risk and don’t care,
- The people who can see that women’s rights are at risk but think that it’s OK, inconsequential or a great fucking idea,
- The people who can’t see that women’s rights are at risk and don’t care.
- The people who can see that latinos are at risk but think that it’s OK, inconsequential or a great fucking idea,
- The people who can’t see that latinos are at risk and don’t care,
- The people who can see that muslims are at risk but think that it’s OK, inconsequential or a great fucking idea,
- The people who can’t see that muslims are at risk and don’t care,
- The person who commented on a photo saying to someone go back to Africa,
- The people who think everyone in a hijab is a terrorist,
- A Vice President who believes in conversion therapy for gays,
- A President who spoke of Roe v. Wade as if it offers carte blanche abortion,
- The Trump supporter in my news feed who posted a picture of a black man’s face superimposed on a white woman’s body that I’m pretty sure is racist even though I have no idea what it supposed to be,
- The people who started yelling, “Lock her up,” during election night at the Trump rally,
- The people who still think my marriage shouldn’t be legal,
- The people who want to build a wall to keep out those escaping countries to be in the land of the free,
- The people who are just plain and outwardly scared of the color brown,
- The people who are scared of brown and don’t have the balls to admit it,
- The people who think the political parties are Christian or heathens (or more accurately heaven bound or hell bound),
- A President-elect who disrespected a sitting President over and over by challenging his citizenship,
- A President-elect who speaks so callously of women, minorities, immigrants and the LGBT community,
- The people who called Hillary Clinton, Killary and thought it was just in good ol’ fashion political mudslinging, and
- The people who think they put God back in control of our country. You put a man in control of this country. Please remember that. (Quite frankly, the only person who actually personified what that means to me was Tim Kaine so I guess it’s subjective.)
I can’t see past those people. Those people do not represent an angry, disenfranchised and frustrated electorate who want change. They represent xenophobia, racism and general deplorable behavior. Yea, I used the word deplorable. It’s appropriate here. I am worried, I am scared…but I don’t have time to be past this moment. I have a wife, a daughter and the rest of the world to show who I am. It’s not someone who mocks or belittles or even the person who wallows in defeat. I have to be the wife, mom and person I need to be to show the people above what true compassion and love look like.
The beacon of hope is those who sent messages of love this morning and last night. Thank you.
I am such a bad blogger mom…I skipped her 9 month update and her 10 month and now I’ve let 11 months slip through my typing fingers…but don’t worry there were photo shoots.
This first year has passed by so quickly. She went from fragile baby we held firmly in our arms like she would break at the slightest movement to indestructible toddler who constantly falls on her butt and bumps into everything forever keeping a little bruise on her forehead. She busted her lip for the first time a few days ago which about gave this novice mommy a heart attack. She cried for a minute and then was over it. Her little lip is healing nicely and she doesn’t even seem to notice. She was still giving kissing and sucking on her bottle like a champ.
The other morning when she woke up instead of pulling her out of bed to get breakfast and start our day, I just climbed in with her to snuggle. We laughed, made noises and said, “Hey”, with different inflections. It’s amazing all that can be said in a three letter word. She put her head on my chest several times just being still something you don’t get much of from a girl on the go. For those 15 minutes or so time stopped. We were just in the moment and it was perfect. I did it again yesterday morning because we have no where to be. We do not have to live by the alarm clock at the moment. The lighting was in just such a way that when I looked at her face I could see that baby from the sonogram picture. Being home with her has been the best decision we have made in a long time. I feel like it maximizes everyone’s time together. There is a financial cost to the time but the benefits are amazing.
So expect some happy birthday gushes later in the week!
I am logged on to ScotusBlog for their live blogging of opinions. I have been logging on to SCOTUSBlog every Monday (and any other special opinion days) since the beginning of June. Every Monday morning this month is like waiting to unwrap Christmas presents…but instead of toys, it’s words…on paper…My friends and I have a rolling chat and during the past couple of SCOTUS sessions we’ve chatted and watched opinions roll in. It’s fun for us because we’re huge dorks…In the legal world the Justices are like rock stars. Like, I for real lost my shiz when I saw Justice Scalia at a cathedral in France. He was there to teach a class I was taking but still…I saw a Supreme Court justice in the wild!!!
Of course the major reason I and thousands (47K this morning to be exact) of logged on is because of the marriage case (and probably the healthcare case too). I am lucky to live in a state where my marriage is recognized and I get to be my child’s legal parent without much ado. Many don’t though…and that’s just not OK…
[breaking for opinions @ 10:01 AM]
[back at 10:300 AM – should have been sooner but I got distracted by some charts]
I was reading a blog post on the way to work this morning…the author was discussing in great detail her philosophy on natural rights and moral rights, etc. It was a very intellectual discussion on her, for lack of a better word, ideology which made me reflect (she also wrote a follow-up). That’s always a good thing in my opinion. The recent popular vote in Ireland to allow same-sex marriage is the ideal, I think. To have citizens of your town, state and country say that you are included and not excluded. Putting things to a vote. Letting the people decide. Letting democracy do its thang. I believe in democracy. But people…
I think it’s people I am having the problem believing in. It’s hard to trust that the same people who voted on a bill to constitutionally ban same-sex marriage in a state not that long ago would then turn around and change their mind. I have a hard time putting my trust in people who do not know the difference between a homosexual and a sexual predator. Are minds changing and growing? Sure, every day. It is fair to say that it is happening quite rapidly but at different rates in different states. There are times though when something is the right thing to do whether you agree or not. To realize that the world is bigger than you. That when you break it down, marriage is a legal contract between two people that comes with certain privileges. Those two people get to decide if they want to involve a god in that covenant. If a covenant under a god was the only thing at stake, why would we need to go to court? We wouldn’t need lawyers and paperwork. You could get married anywhere anytime because your spiritual covenant cannot be touched by man.
Recently the Pitcairn Islands decided to legalize marriage because it was the right thing to do. There is not even a confirmed report of someone interested in marrying the same-sex but they did it because someone might want to one day. Those 48 people made a decision that impacts the lives of people they don’t even know yet. That gives me hope that one day popular opinion will be one of inclusion but I don’t think it’s today. So I am putting all of my figurative eggs in the basket of the Supreme Court and of legal minds especially the Notorious RBG.
There was no decision in the marriage case today. There are seven opinions still expected from SCOTUS for this term. Some very important cases still pending (healthcare, death penalty, marriage). SCOTUSBlog will be back at it again on Thursday if you want to join! There is only 1 Monday left in June so the decision is coming soon!!!