To Pour or Not to Pour…The Toddler Decides

During a rather idyllic breakfast on Wednesday morning, LADC asked to pour her water onto her grits. My gut reaction was to shut that mess down but instead I simply said, I don’t think that’s a great decision but go for it. It may not taste very good. 

Sounded gross. But totally harmless.

She poured.

She stared.

She tasted.

She gagged.

She waved her hand over it and muttered some toddler-ese which I interpreted as…”You were right, mom, that was a POOR decision.”

When I asked her if it tasted badly she said, “Yea,” connected to this half laugh half sigh that she does when she know something was so ridiculously silly. (seriously, it is the cutest)

We can call it a culinary experiment so it sounds really brave and smart. We do encourage exploring and learning at home. Making messes and doing the silly thing is kind of part of our every day life. Some of us shoot water cannons at others while they mow the grass just because it makes the toddler insanely happy. We will be cleaning up glitter for the rest of our lives.

If I had said no to pouring water on the grits, there would have been tears and frustration. I do not like to say NO all the time. Sometimes our instinct is to say no because of inconvenience, a bad mood, laziness…those times I have to stop myself and remember I am trying to raise a tiny human. I have to stop to remember that pouring water on the grits might just turn into a moment that I can tell her about when she asks about when she was a small. Saying yes to the silly odd random thing might just be the best decision I make all day.

I read an article once about parents who never said no. They discussed the good and bad consequences of decisions with their kids and gave them the choice. Keeping an open dialogue for when the tough subjects come up. I mean some things are inherently dangerous and require a strong NO. We have some non-neogtiables like brushing teeth. Has to be done even if there are tears and ear piercing screams. BUT Some things are just things that can be turned into a teaching moment. Some things are just silly so you do them anyway.

LADC thinks grits are the best breakfast ever. As most parents know, getting a toddler to eat can be challenging so having their favorites on had is essential. I have had to permanently add grits to the grocery list. I remember not liking grits as a kid but I also remember them being white and bland unless you put a slice of cheese in it. (We use Bob’s Red Mill Polenta following the suggested directions and also adding some nutritional yeast and flax meal to make it extra nutritious.)

Paging Dr. M. I. Fertile

The day we decided to start trying to have a baby we were ready to find a 24/7 sperm drive-thru and inseminate with a flexi-straw if it meant getting pregnant right then. We were out of flexi-straws so we decided to seek the advice and wisdom of a fertility doctor.

It seems strange to go to a fertility doctor. Admittedly, I had to wrap my head around going to the fertility doctor. We aren’t having trouble getting pregnant. As far as we know, we’re healthy baby making machines. We are just missing an essential part of the equation, which is frozen in another location and ready for our use at any time. But where else are LGBTQ couples to go?  So I asked the question during a Welcome webcast by Shady Grove Fertility. They’re answer was ecstatically that yes we had come to the right place! That’s comforting to know. The truth is that we cannot do it on our own. To get us pregnant will take more than the two of us. Our consultation appointment at Shady Grove was great. We met with the doctor, our nurse and a financial adviser. (Try to remember the names of ALL of these people – They will be important to you at some point!)

The Consultation appointment is just that – there is no diagnosis – no poking or prodding. It is just talking…obviously of things of a personal nature. Sexual history, drug history, mental health, family health – etc…So be prepared…Do some homework….

  1. Start tracking your cycle before you go.  You’ll need to know how many days your cycle runs.
  2. Ask about your family medical history.
  3. Get a copy of your gyno health sent over to your fertility doctor.
  4. Check what and if you insurance covers fertility testing.

At the end of our session, they sent us out the door with lab paperwork for blood tests and stacks of information.

So what have we been up to since our consultation…well waiting mostly.  Waiting on Lisa to start her menstrual cycle so she could do her Day 3 lab work and ultrasound. We both have rather long cycles but Lisa’s was super long – 45 days! I guess it’s like that saying “a watched pot never boils’….”a watched menstrual cycle never starts”  And wouldn’t you know it, we started on the same20140427-212831.jpg day…We really are meant to be, Ha!  Seriously, we’ve been together for over 6 years and it took baby planning to sync up our menstrual cycles…I guess it shows that we’re working together. I’m not sure what a 45 day cycle will mean for us but that’s why we have the good doctor. Now that the Day 3 tests are out-of-the-way, we wait until our follow-up appointment in May.

At best a woman only has a 20% chance of getting pregnant each cycle. That is an intimidating number. Now that I know that number, I’m amazed that anyone gets pregnant! How much sex are these people having to get pregnant seemingly with such ease? Think about how much time you spent trying not to get pregnant or worrying that you might be pregnant.

And while we wait….We live, we work, we cook, we live, we read, we plan, we scheme, we giggle, we hope and we dream.

Fertile Octogenarian – May the Odds Ever Be in Your Favor

The first time I heard the phrase fertile octogenarian was in law school.  The premise being that anyone even someone in their 80s and 90s can have a baby.  I’m pretty sure a man created this legal fiction and had never heard of menopause. Maybe he believed menopause to be a myth like the Loch Ness Monster or global warming. Some men are able to sire heirs even when the mechanics start malfunctioning thanks to Viagra and the like.

pregnant old lady elderly woman having baby.jpg

Borrowed from Above The Law

Doctors, the general public and my grandmother have me believing that while I was out dancing up in da’ club until the wee hours of the morning…during what I now realize was an entire decade (maybe more, fine, it was definitely more than a decade), I should have been making some babies.  Well science and grandma, my biological clock wasn’t ticking…but I was real thirsty and needed to shake my rump-shaker.  Plus who was going to babysit while I was hitting up I-Hop at 3:00 AM?  I wasn’t the most irresponsible person I ever met but I definitely was embracing the YOLO philosophy…

The first few years after I graduated college I attended and participated in wedding after wedding then they started having babies…and I hosted and attended baby shower after baby shower (You know you guys owe me, right?)…To each his/her own?  Secretly or not so secretly, I thought these bitches be crazy…I was still finding my way…myself…and the person with whom I wanted to raise some children…AND having a BLAST doing it. I just couldn’t fathom fitting marriage and babies in my life at the time.

I’m 35 now. I’m ready. We’re ready. And here we are in our mid-thirties, still young but worried about the possibility of not being physically able to get pregnant. Instead of freaking out completely we made some appointments.

What we’ve learned so far is that age does play a factor in conception but it isn’t the only factor…However, through the marvel that is modern medicine anything is possible.  So we move forward.

May the odds be Ever in your favor - May the odds be Ever in your favor  effie trinket